TV Parents: What Values Do They Convey?

During the holiday break, I confess watching a few episodes of TLC’s Toddlers and Tiaras, a reality show that features actual parents (mostly mothers) preparing and entering their small children in kiddy beauty pageants. The mothers are depicted inflicting on their tiny daughters coaching lessons, spray tans, heavy makeup, false eyelashes and hairpieces – all for the privilege of winning a crown or a small monetary prize for their child’s physical appearance.

It got me thinking about whether TV parents reflect our values or help to shape them. And what, exactly, are the values that we want our schools to teach our children? 

Have you seen Robert Young in re-runs as Jim Anderson in Father Knows Best, a popular 1950’s situation comedy?

Jim set
 standards for his children — Betty, Bud, and Kathy — and constantly differentiated right from wrong.

Or do you remember June Cleaver as the mom in Leave it to Beaver? She was always in the kitchen with her shirtwaist dresses and pearls
dispensing milk and cookies, while her husband, Ward, gave their sons,
Wally and Beaver, weekly lectures in the proper way to behave.

The baby-boomer generation and their parents thought these were the perfect families, and while they were glorified lily-white versions of reality, there was no question that the parents’ primary responsibility was to impart values, such as fairness, honesty and caring, to their children. They also sat down as a family for daily meals, during which they discussed the day’s events.

In later decades, the Cunninghams, Howard (Tom Bosley), a hardware store owner, and his stay at home wife, Marion, attempted to set their children and family friend, “the Fonz,” on the right path in Happy Days.

On The Cosby Show, the Huxtables — Cliff (Bill Cosby), a physician, and Clair, a lawyer, African-American 
parents of five — also modeled and taught the values they wanted their children to live by.

While all these parents were idealized versions of real mothers and
 fathers, they provided a benchmark against which actual people could
 measure their actions. And they supported the notion that American 
parents were the repositories of wisdom, knowledge and integrity, and 
were supposed to pass these values on to their children.

Fast forward to 2012. We don’t hear too many lectures on ethics from
 television parents. But we do hear about social and emotional 
intelligence, and schools’ attempts to teach character education. 
Values such as respect, kindness, empathy, and giving back are needed 
more than ever in our society, and there are many programs in our
schools that attempt to develop nice human beings and good citizens. 
But it’s naïve and unrealistic to expect schools to do this alone. 
Parents are key partners in inculcating values in their children. All 
the lessons and activities in the world will not succeed without
 parental support.

What are we learning about values from today’s fictional TV parents? 

Cam and Mitchell, the same-sex parents of Lily on ABC’s Modern 
Family, are over-conscientious and ever-present to their daughter’s 
needs. Being present is key to success and an important value. Parents 
can’t influence their kids at all if they are not physically,
 emotionally, and mentally present. This includes: engaging in
conversation, attending school and other events, and modeling values.

Frankie Heck, played by Patricia Heaton on ABC’s The Middle, should 
also be commended for parenting three rather odd children and
allowing each of them to be whom they are. Enabling children to
 discover their own interests, find their purpose and pursue their own 
dreams is a key to happiness.

In total contrast, the mothers on TLC’s Toddlers and Tiaras live
 vicariously through their children. They spend thousands of dollars to
 have their daughters — some less than a year old — compete in beauty
 pageants. It is painful to watch toddlers crying and fighting their mothers as they get them ready to “compete.” Equally disturbing is the intense disappointment of both parent and child when the aspiring mini-beauty queens fail to win a crown. While some of the children say they like to
 participate, their parents are forcing their own passions on their
 children! One mother admitted that she had a baby so she could enter
 her in pageants. Another did not have the daughter she wanted, so her
s on is now one of very few boys competing on the pageant circuit.

As we enter the New Year, it’s crucially important for parents to be
 strong partners with their children’s schools in building character. 
For better or worse, TV parents, then and now, provide a framework of 
what and what not to do. Here are some tips for 2012:

• Be role models for honesty, integrity, kindness and caring.

• Let your children know what your standards are in word and in deed.

• Teach your child to respect and celebrate differences.

• Be present for your children, and show up physically, mentally, and

• Model the importance of giving to others.

• Eat dinner together as a family.

• Allow your children to discover their own interests, and to find 
their own purpose.

For more information about Meryl Ain visit:

2 Comments on “TV Parents: What Values Do They Convey?”

  1. I have gotten so far removed from TV that I had forgotten how influential fictional television parents are to our culture. I’m not familiar with all of the current TV parents and will have to take notice because these characters are indeed relevant.

    I sometimes am accused of being over-present to my children which causes me to wonder if it’s healthy. I always come to the conclusion that my engagement is appropriate but take note if I avoid telling them “no” or prevent them from doing something for fear they may be hurt. If I keep them from feeling discomfort, they will not be ready to handle the emotions that come with disappointments they will face later in life. And, sometimes being present, for me (my girls are adolescents), is knowing when to let go.

    Thanks for giving much to think about in my own parenting.


  2. Hi, I love your blog. Is there something I can do to receive updates like a subscription or something? I’m sorry I’m not familiar with RSS?

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