It’s Scholarship Season – Helping Graduates and Preserving Memories

ImageThis week I look forward to attending the Brentwood (N.Y.) High School Awards Night as a presenter of two scholarships in memory of my father, Herbert Fischman, who was a teacher and principal in the school district for 25 years.  With this gesture, I will join with many other individuals and groups who together award hundreds of scholarships to Brentwood’s deserving graduates. I suspect that we are all part of a much larger group this spring who will also donate scholarships to high school graduates across the country.

In these difficult economic times, it hardly seems like a $500 or $1,000 scholarship makes a difference, but it does. Many of the students are awarded multiple scholarships, so while most of the individual awards are modest, they can add up — and numerous students receive sizeable support.

But it’s not just about the money. It’s about honoring young people who have excelled in spite of adversity, and who passionately want a shot at college. One of those Brentwood graduates, Samantha Garvey, made national headlines earlier this year when she was named a semi-finalist in the Intel Science Competition while her family was living in a homeless shelter. She is president of her school’s chapter of the National Honor Society, and has a 3.9 grade point average.

Scholarship But you don’t need to have Samantha’s resume to receive a scholarship. The more that are available, the more opportunity there is to acknowledge young people who work hard to do their very best, as well as those who exemplify character traits that our communities and country desperately need, such as service and caring. I have to confess that the scholarship was not my idea. Vicki Novak, a Brentwood graduate who later became president of the Smithtown Council of PTAs, had the council donate the scholarship when my father died in 2005 and I was the administrative liaison to the PTA Council.

It wasn’t until three years ago while writing a book with my husband and brother that a light bulb went off in my head. Our book is about honoring memories and carrying on legacies, and the idea for the scholarship came from two of our interviewees — Nick Clooney, the father of George Clooney and brother of Rosemary Clooney, and Yeou-Cheng Ma, the sister of cellist Yo Yo Ma. Both separately suggested that one of the most accessible ways of honoring a loved one was to establish a scholarship in his or her memory. It was then that I made the commitment to continue the scholarship each year.

While the students are the recipients of the scholarships, attending the assembly and presenting the scholarships has been both cathartic and therapeutic for me. For example, I met retired teachers who worked in my father’s school and who shared with me their reminiscences, as well as their affection and admiration for my dad.   In addition, listening to others speak about their loved ones confirmed that dedicating a scholarship, no matter what the amount, helps to keep alive the memory of those who are no longer here.

Since establishing the Herbert J. Fischman Memorial Scholarship, I have met some amazing students, parents, teachers, and principals.  Some of the past recipients have sent me thank you notes expressing their appreciation.

One female student wrote:

“It is with great appreciation that I thank you and your family for allowing me to be one of the recipients of the $500 Herbert J. Fischman Memorial Scholarship.  Words can’t describe how grateful my family and I are for your help towards my future.  In this economy every little bit helps.”

And a young man who was on his way to an Ivy League college wrote the following:

I would like to thank you for your generosity and support toward my college education.  I would also like to pay respect to your father since he did serve in the community for an outstanding 25 years and is most likely respected by former colleagues and students.  It still must be tough to cope with this loss since it is just over five years, but I know he still lives through people like you who give back to the community of Brentwood.

I am of Mexican and Haitian descent and I will be the first in my family to attend college.

I am blessed that I am one of the recipients of your scholarship. I will work hard to keep the spirit of your father alive and I will not let you down.

In these difficult economic times where discretionary funds are diminishing, a scholarship, no matter how small, can enhance the life of a young person. It also perpetuates the living memory of a loved one.

It’s About Parenting, NOT Politics!

Hilary Rosen’s ill-chosen comments about Ann Romney’s choice to be a stay at home mom (SAHM) have ignited the 21st century version of the Mommy Wars.

Ann Romney

Alas! I thought those wars had been fought in the 70s, 80s, and 90s and resolved by the turn of the new century. Apparently, they have not, and that both saddens and angers me.Let me begin by stating emphatically that this is not about politics.  The debate has bordered on the absurd, and it’s high time that if we insist on beating this subject to death, we focus on parenting — not politics.

At different times in my life, I have been both a SAHM and a working mom. I actually went back to school and back to work because my husband was out of work.  With three sons, I found myself leaving at 7 a.m. and often returning after 10 p.m.  As I drove from work to school, my neck and shoulders ached from tension and I would wonder if I had time to get a bite to eat before my 6:30 evening class.  The exhaustion and stress reminded me of the nine-hour stints I spent every evening as a SAHM rocking, holding, bouncing, and feeding a screeching colicky baby who would not be consoled.

Three sons always seemed to me as many boys as I could handle. I give Mrs. Romney all the credit in the world for apparently successfully raising five (5) sons!

Romney Family

The current conversation revolves too much around money.  Although it’s estimated that full-time mothering should yield $112,000 per year in the marketplace, that’s not the point. It’s very easy to say mothering has to do with how much money you have, but it doesn’t.  There’s no doubt that being comfortable – or even wealthy — can make your life easier, but it doesn’t make you a better parent.

Changing diapers, wiping noses, cooking and cleaning — and the other mundane tasks — are commonly believed to be the domain of mothers. But there’s a far more important realm that has been totally neglected in this debate.  And that’s the social, emotional, and intellectual development of children.

No matter how much household help a mother does or doesn’t have, it is she who conveys the values that she wants her children to live by.  Whether a mother is a SAHM or works 16-hour days, she is a role model for her children.

She also needs to be present for her children, and available to communicate with them at all hours of the day and night. She needs to notice little things that may turn into big things, like suspicions of delayed learning or disabilities, or friendlessness.

It’s also my opinion that mothers need to know what’s going on in their children’s schools and to communicate with their teachers.  Research indicates that the more parents are involved, the more successful their children will be and the better the schools.  James J. Heckman, an economist at the University of Chicago, contends that parenting counts as much or more than income in developing a child’s ability to learn and succeed in school.

Samantha Garvey, an 18-year-old Brentwood, L.I., high school senior was recently named a semi-finalist in the Intel Science Competition while her family was living in a homeless shelter. Her mother, Olga Garvey Coreas, an immigrant from El Salvador, told the Huffington Post’s Latino Voices that parents must be vigilant in encouraging and supporting their children’s education. She pointed out that her husband, Leo, worked nights and that she worked days.

“The fact was that we never left them alone; we were always there to help them with their homework,” she said. “I believe that good communication is the basis for guiding our children.”

Some mothers have no choice but to work full-time. Some mothers choose to stay home. Some mothers work part-time. Good mothering and bad mothering can be found in every socio-economic level and working style. It’s high time that mothers stop attacking each other and focus on what’s most important – raising decent human beings.