What Parents Can Do About Bullying Right Now

October is National Bullying Awareness Month, and as we ask our children and our schools to prevent bullying, we ought to take a hard look at ourselves too. Recent attacks on an overweight female Wisconsin TV anchor — and her response — illustrate the point.

This week, Jennifer Livingston of WKBT responded on air to a viewer’s email that complained that she was not a suitable role model for the community’s young people due to her large size.  She responded to the attack by saying:

“That man’s words mean nothing to me, but what really angers me about this is there are children who don’t know better…who get emails as critical as the one I received, or in many cases even worse, each and every day. The Internet has become a weapon. Our schools have become a battleground and this behavior is learned. It is passed down from people like the man who wrote me that email. If you were at home and you were talking about the fat news lady…guess what? Your children are probably going to go to school and call someone fat.”

My article on ParentInvolvementMatters.org this week, How Adults Can Stem the Tide of Bullying, addresses this subject. Children learn what they live, and they pick up disparaging comments and behaviors from the important adults in their lives. Along with various resources, the piece discusses the positive behaviors that adults should engage in to combat bullying. These include:

  • Talking to children about both being bullied and about being bullies.
  • Being a role model for kindness, caring, and understanding.
  • Speaking with children about bullying and cyber-bullying to make sure they are not engaging in it.
  • Discussing how hurtful cyber-bullying is, and emphasizing that what is online stays online forever.
  • Emphasizing that online misbehavior could affect your child’s future.
  • Encouraging your children to tell you if they are bullied off or online.
  • Reassuring your child and making sure to remind school personnel that retaliation cannot be condoned.
  • Discussing Internet safety with your children, and monitoring what they are doing online.
  • Informing schools if there is bullying, and joining with schools to promote bullying awareness and prevention programs.

Click here to read the entire article, along with a list of resources on bullying.

Advertisements

News You Can Use

If you follow me on Twitter @DrMerylAin, you know that I’ve been trying to tweet the education news that has been coming fast and furiously since 2012 began. There’s so much of importance that it’s hard to keep track. The economy has still not recovered as school districts grapple with their 2012-2013 budget process. The following news items deserve to be watched as they unfold, both as local and national trends. The key is to read the fine print and ask lots of question.

1.         The Half Hollow Hills (N.Y.) Board of Education voted unanimously to freeze salary increases of district administrators for two years as a result of negotiations between the board and the administrators’ union. While it sounds idealistic, note that included in the agreement is a stipulation that there will be no administrative terminations due to budgetary reasons. Is this just an attempt by administrators to save their jobs at the expense of teachers, librarians, nurses and others? Will the salaries of non-union administrators, such as the superintendent, also be frozen? 

2.         School districts throughout the country are looking to save money and school libraries and librarians have become targets. Nowadays – librarians or library media specialists — do so much more than encourage reading, which is certainly important enough. They teach cutting edge online information skills and collaborate with teachers. Is your school district threatening to cut librarians and libraries? Let the school board and district administration know that this is unacceptable. There is also a petition drive to ensure that all U.S. students have access to an effective library program. The petition asks that the reauthorization of the Elementary and Secondary Education Act (ESEA) provide dedicated funding to support library programs. 

https://wwws.whitehouse.gov/petitions/!/petition/ensure-every-child-america-has-access-effective-school-library-program/tmlbRqf

3.         We all know about the harm that has been done to young people with cyber-bullying. The National School Boards Association and other educational groups requested “clear guidance” from the Supreme Court about the power of school officials to mete out consequences to students for electronic misbehavior. Nevertheless, the Supreme Court recently decided to stay out of this maelstrom by not hearing two cases involving students’ use of their MySpace accounts to belittle other students and a school principal. By not hearing the two cases – one in West Virginia and the other in Pennsylvania — the issue of whether school officials throughout the U.S. can regulate online behavior that takes place off school grounds is still unresolved. Check to see if your school district has policies and practices in place to deal with cyber-bullying.

 4.         A measure being presented in the Indiana House of Representatives would let 51 percent of parents vote on turning public schools into charter schools. The “parent trigger” almost made it through the Indiana General Assembly last year as a part of a package of education reforms that included the creation of the nation’s most expansive voucher program and an expansion of the groups that can approve new charter schools. In its place, legislators approved an abridged version of the bill, which left the ultimate decision with school boards and limited it to schools that have underperformed for at least two years in a row. Proponents are attempting again this year to pass a full “parent trigger.” 

The idea is part of a national trend that began in California in 2009 and has been debated in a number of states over the last two years. The proposal would also let parents petition the state school board to have the state take control of their schools. The “parent trigger” leaves out the school administration and school boards from the decision. Although the California law has given parents this power, the parents of one school who attempted to use it now find themselves in court. The “parent trigger” has also been used as a vehicle to push for removal of incompetent teachers and principals. Two other states, Texas and Mississippi, approved the “parent trigger” last year. Other states, including Arizona and Florida, are considering the measure this year.

 5.         Proposed revisions to the American Psychiatric Association’s definition of autism would exclude about three-quarters of those now diagnosed with milder forms of autism called Asperger syndrome or “pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified,” also known as P.D.D.-N.O.S. These are people who have difficulties with social interaction but do not share the most severe impairments of children with classic autism. The proposed revisions, which would take effect in 2013, have alarmed parents of children with special needs and special education advocates. The changes, coming at a time when resources are shrinking, may reduce the number of students who will qualify for services that will ultimately improve their ability to learn, socialize, and succeed in school and beyond.

For more information aboutt Dr. Meryl Ain, please visit:

www.facebook.com/youreducationdoctor

www.twitter.com/DrMerylAin


News and Views – What Do You Think?

This week the news has been full of education stories of interest to parents. So many, that instead of giving my opinion on one topic, I’ve compiled a list for you of six of the most provocative issues.  I’d love to hear your opinion on any or all of these. Please leave your comments on the bottom of the page or tweet me @DrMerylAin. 

1. The Today Show reported that French schools have banned ketchup in an effort to promote healthy eating and combat childhood obesity. As anchor Savannah Guthrie pointed out, “First they give us French fries, and then they take away the ketchup!” 

Q: How healthy is your child’s lunch program? Is there anything you would like to see banned?

http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/why-are-european-schools-banning-ketchup/6g37xqg 

2. For parents who are worried about their children’s whereabouts, there’s a new app that makes checking in a game. “Our view is that what makes kids safer is communication and being close to their folks,” said the new iPhone app’s co-creator Matthew Bromberg, “And I don’t want to know where my kid is on the map every single moment. I just want to know what’s going on.”

Q: Do you agree or is this too much control for parents to exert over their children?   http://mashable.com/2011/10/19/imok/

3. Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon repealed teacher-student Facebook restrictions. The controversial law had limited online chats between teachers and students and some alleged that it threatened free-speech rights. 

Q: Do you think students and teachers should be Facebook friends?

http://www.edweek.org/dd/articles/2011/10/21/463731usteachersonfacebook_ap.html via @educationweek 

4. Some elite private schools in New York have reduced the burden of homework on their students.

Q: Do your kids have too much, too little, or the right amount of homework? http://nyti.ms/oWpCn1 

5. Idaho schools will tie merit pay to factors such as parent involvement. In some south-central Idaho schools, teacher bonuses will be based on parent participation, including attendance at parent-teacher conferences. 

Q: Will this promote or stifle parent-teacher relationships?   http://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2011/10/24/464180idteachersmeritpay_ap.html

6. Sir Ken Robinson, world-renowned educator and creativity expert, discusses changing education paradigms in a must-see provocative video. He takes on the education establishment, arguing that today’s students are not being properly educated. 

Q: Do you agree or disagree? Let’s discuss.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U&feature=share


Would You Bully Chris Christie?

Concerned that he was being perceived as a bully, TV Host David Letterman recently volunteered to stop his persistent fat jokes about New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. Letterman’s biting humor is nothing new, but when the charge of bullying was raised he backed off.

To be fair, Letterman has not been alone in targeting Christie. Other comedians, political pundits, and average Americans have also derided Christie’s size.  

Chris Christie, New Jersey Governor

Politicians are accustomed to being the butt of jokes – Christie even mentioned it when he announced Tuesday his decision not to run for president — but did the Christie fat bashing cross the line?

The criticism has nothing to do with whether you are or are not a supporter of Gov. Christie. And let’s be real, Chris Christie is a tough, centered guy, who can withstand whatever is dished out. But what do these fat jokes say about us – about our tastes, our values, our society?

As we observe National Bullying Awareness Month, and we ask our children and our schools to prevent bullying, we ought to take a hard look at ourselves too.  Are we promoting bullying by repeating and laughing at fat jokes?  Are we encouraging bullying by scornful and sarcastic remarks that we make about gays and others? Are we a party to bullying when we don’t step in and say something when we observe it?  Are we allowing bullying to fester when we don’t report it to the school?

We know that youngsters learn what they live, and that children, even at a very young age, hear much more than we think they do. They are also very adept at picking up non-verbal cues. What messages are we sending our children? Are we tacitly encouraging them to be bullies?

Most children who are bullied are not as resilient as Chris Christie. When asked about his weight, his standard answer is: “I eat too much.”  And few doubt that he is fully capable of destroying the bullies – if he wanted to. Youngsters who are bullied may develop anxiety about seeing the perpetrators at school and elsewhere. Their school performance may be affected and they may shun other activities. They may become depressed, and sadly some even take their own lives as 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer recently did.

Parents, teachers, and school administrators need to be vigilant about bullying. We need to talk to children about both being bullied and about being bullies. But first and foremost, we should be role models for kindness, caring, and understanding.

Current and prospective laws against bullying may be too simplistic to solve the problem. Aren’t we as adults essentially responsible for bullying? The prevention of bullying begins with all of us examining our words and our behavior.


The Hidden Costs of Public Education

About 15 percent of American households were living in poverty last year and that number is increasing as the median household income drops, according to newly released statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau.

That means the official poverty rate has reached its highest level since 1993. That translates to a total of 46.2 million people – the largest number since the government began tracking poverty in the 1950s. And because the poverty level for a family of four begins with an annual income of less than $22,314, many experts believe that a family of four needs to make twice that to feel secure.

Unemployment is predicted to remain above 9 percent for the foreseeable future, and parents are increasingly concerned about expenses and inflation. In last May’s school budget vote, most districts mindful of taxpayers’ pocketbooks scaled back programs and cut staff to keep tax increases low.

But is public education really free? Just because parents pay taxes doesn’t mean they do not have to contribute to their children’s education. Here are some of the extras parents are typically paying for:

  • School Supplies: The average parent spent $600 this year equipping their children with back to school clothing and supplies. Most schools prepared lists of essential school supplies that parents were required to furnish. Depending on the grade of the student, these ranged from notebooks to laptops.
  • Tissues: To save district funds, many elementary schools ask parents to send in boxes of tissues and other supplies for use by the entire class.
  • School Spirit garments: T-shirts, sweatshirts, sweatpants, etc., are popular items at all levels.  Students may be asked to wear these for special events at school.
  • Musical instruments: purchase or rental
  • Sports equipment and uniforms
  • Field Trips
  • Fundraising: School, PTA, Special Interest, e.g. sports, music, theater.
  • Celebrations: birthdays, holidays, special events

What Can Parents Do?

  • For back to school, PTAs can contract to provide boxed sets of school supplies by grade at a cost less than shopping for supplies on your own. The school will supply a list of school supplies by grade. For example, Staples does this through http://www.schoolkidz.com. Ask your PTA to investigate this money-saving option.
  • Parents can lobby the principal or superintendent of schools and request that fundraising activities be reduced and consolidated. Parents may prefer to write one check for a set amount instead of being compelled into participating in a perpetual round of sales and fundraisers.
  • If parents believe that the cost and incidence of field trips are excessive, parents have the right to question school’s field trip practices and ask that guidelines be established to limit frequency, distance, and cost per field trip, e.g. two per grade with a limit of $25. Also, parents should request that they be informed at the beginning of the school year of what their expenses will be for field trips.
  • Request that your school limit expectations for children’s birthdays at school.
  • Lobby to scale back spirit wear and unnecessary sports paraphernalia, such as sweatshirts and sweat pants. It’s hard to say no when everyone else is buying it and your child wants it too.
  • Volunteer with your presence and skills at school and at special events and fundraisers instead of with your pocketbook.
  • Parents should know that all schools provide help to families who cannot afford school-associated expenses. Don’t be afraid to ask your principal if you need financial assistance.

The Scourge of Bullying –What’s a Parent to Do?

There was national outrage last week over the suicide of Buffalo, N.Y., teen Jamey Rodemeyer, who took his life after more than a year of relentless anti-gay cyber-bullying. Even Lady Gaga weighed in by initiating a campaign, Make A Law for Jamey, that would make bullying a hate crime. 

Police have opened a criminal investigation into the case, even though there are no anti-bullying laws in New York State. That may change with the announcement this week by State Senator Jeffrey Klein that he plans to introduce legislation to make cyber-bullying a crime. Recently, New Jersey joined several other states in enacting an anti-bullying law.  . 

Coincidentally, last week the U.S. Department of Education hosted a two-day Second Annual Bullying Prevention Summit to Stop Bullying, demonstrating that bullying is a widespread concern throughout the country. 

As an educator and a parent, my heart goes out to the Rodemeyer family and to all who are bullied. It’s a fact that for students to succeed in school, they must feel safe and supported.  But bullying happens, even though school officials certainly do not sanction it. 

When I dealt with bullying incidents, I remember how painful and frightening it was for the victims. Their main fear was retaliation if they reported that they were bullied. 

There are school district policies, administrative regulations and guidelines that spell out the consequences for bullying.  But because bullying often takes place during less structured times of the school day – lunch, recess, going to and from class, and on the bus – it is incumbent upon students to report it.  Principals, teachers and other school personnel typically take bullying reports very seriously. 

Not so long ago, schools took the position that they were only responsible for what happened at school. If a fight took place on Friday night at the mall, school districts used to say it was not their concern. Now if the impact spills over into the school day and affects students, school districts will take action.  

Another game changer has been cyber-bullying. In the last several years, social media has created and enabled a new platform for bullying, and cases are proliferating.  As a result, schools must now investigate and impose consequences for cyber-bullying, in addition to face-to-face bullying. 

According to cyber-bullying statistics from the i-SAFE Foundation, more than one in three young people have experienced cyber-bullying. Unfortunately, more than half of these students do not tell their parents. Thus, it is crucial for students who are bullied or cyber-bullied to immediately report it to an adult – parent, teacher, administrator or guidance counselor. When bullying is reported, the school will act on it. 

Parents should speak with their children about bullying and cyber-bullying to make sure they are not engaging in it. Discuss how hurtful it is, and emphasize that what is online stays online forever. Emphasize that online misbehavior could affect your child’s future.  It’s equally important to encourage your children to tell you if they are bullied off or online.  Reassure your child and make sure to remind school personnel that retaliation cannot be condoned. Be sure to discuss Internet safety with your children, and monitor what they are doing online. 

By all means, parents should inform schools if there is bullying, and join with schools to promote bullying awareness and prevention programs. Remember October is National Bullying Awareness Month.

Here are some resources on bullying from the Learning First Alliance: 

 


Beware of the Tiger – Parents’ Bill of Rights

When my brother was in fifth grade, he had persistent nightmares about his teacher Mr. X. In his dreams, Mr. X. was a huge tiger that was attempting to devour him. Uncharacteristically, my mother made an appointment with the principal to discuss the matter. I don’t know what transpired during that meeting, but my brother was immediately transferred to another class – and the nightmares stopped.

It was unusual for my mother to complain – about anything. Indeed, 50 years ago it was rare for any parent to voice an opinion about what went on in their children’s schools.  Most people had the attitude that the school was always right. This has changed somewhat over time. When my kids were in school, some parents spoke up, but the majority still implicitly trusted their schools. Conventional wisdom was that if you complained, you might be considered a nuisance and this would reflect poorly on your child.

Surprisingly, I still encounter parents who are afraid of retaliation against their child if they have a grievance.  Actually, the opposite is true. In my official capacity, I have seen time and again, that the parent who advocates for his or her child gets better results than the parent who remains silent.

As we begin a new school year, the first thing to remember is that you need not be shy when it comes to advocating for your children. It is your right and your responsibility. You know better than anyone that this is your child’s only chance to experience kindergarten or sixth grade or 12th grade. You want your child to have the best possible experience in that particular grade despite budget woes, logistical problems, or personnel issues. Here’s a Parents’ Bill of Rights to help you be a better advocate for your children in school.

Parents’ Bill of Rights

  1. You have the right to be your children’s best advocate and to expect that their unique and special needs are met by the schools in a safe and supportive learning environment in each grade in each school year.
  2. You have the right to communicate with your children’s teachers, principal, and school nurse as often as you see fit.
  3. You have the right to easily access and understand information about your children’s schools, school district, teachers, administrators, facilities, policies, procedures, and programs.
  4. You have the right to have access to your children’s educational records, information regarding services offered by the schools, and expectations about your children’s instructional programs, grading criteria, attendance, and behavior.
  5. You have the right to be treated with respect, fairness, and understanding, free of discrimination and prejudice, by all staff, faculty, and administration in your children’s schools and school district.
  6. You have the right to attend all public meetings, including PTA, Board of Education, and committee meetings.
  7. You have the right to complain, without fear of retaliation, to teachers, building and district administrators, and Board of Education.
  8. You have the right to attend Board of Education meetings and address the board during the public audience part of the meeting.
  9. You have the right to know official complaint procedures within the school, school district, and outside agencies, and to pursue them if necessary, without fear of retaliation.
  10. You have the right to ensure that your children are learning in safe, healthy, and caring schools, free of discrimination, prejudice, bullying, and harassment, and that their physical, emotional, social, academic, and special needs are met on a daily basis.