Last week, I attended my grandson’s pre-school “graduation” and it reminded me that students of all ages will be embarking on new school careers in the fall. If your child will be attending a new school come September – elementary, secondary or pre-school — check out my guest post on Parenting’s “Class Notes”
Blog: Tips for Transitioning to a New School. Whether you are moving to a new neighborhood or your child is “moving up” to a new level, there are steps you can take right now to ease the transition.
Curbing the Enthusiasm of Graduation Guests
Speaking of graduations, it’s the season for high school graduations and according to the Associated Press (AP), some schools are showing no tolerance for loud and sustained cheering by guests. For example, a mother was handcuffed at one school on a disorderly conduct charge. At another school, the principal admonished four graduates for the excessive cheering of their family and friends — and meted out consequences to the students! Although they have already fulfilled all of the graduation requirements, they now must perform 20 hours of community service to receive their diplomas.
Is it fair to curb the enthusiasm of guests celebrating this important milestone? What do you think about punishing graduates for the behavior of their friends and family?
Another rite of passage that goes hand in hand with high school graduation is the prom. An increasing number of school districts have implemented sobriety tests to cut down on pre-prom drinking. In addition, they have purchased alcohol-detection devices in an attempt to keep students safe.
According to a Newsday report, staff members have been trained in sobriety testing of students in at least 11 Long Island school districts. These include: Smithtown, Cold Spring Harbor, Connetquot, Hewlett-Woodmere, Islip, Long Beach, Northport-East Northport, Rockville Centre, Shoreham-Wading River, Three Village and West Islip.
A spokesman for Advanced Safety Devices, the Chatsworth, Calif., company that sells the Breathalyzer brand tester, told Newsday that it was unusual for school districts to purchase these devices in the past, but in recent years sales have increased to schools throughout the country.
While school administrators claim the tests are effective and have made a difference in preventing drinking, critics question whether educators should be administering sobriety tests to students.
Nine LI Budgets Pass in Revote
In a last hurrah to the school budget season, nine Long Island districts held revotes on Tuesday. In the first vote on May 15, seven of those districts had attempted unsuccessfully to override the two percent tax cap that became law in New York State this year. Eight of the nine reduced their budgets for the second round, this time adhering to the two percent tax cap.
Only one district – Elmont – submitted a 4.9 percent budget increase to the voters. A bit more than the required 60 percent of voters approved the budget, enabling the district to exceed the cap.
Clearly, New York State districts have entered a new era in school budgeting. How will the tax cap continue to impact Long Island schools, which pride themselves on being among the best in the country? During this budget season, a number of schools were closed, teachers were excessed, class size was increased, and educational programs were reduced.
What will be on the chopping block next year? Stay tuned.
In her K-12 Parents and the Public blog in Education Week, Michele Molnar wrote this week about the importance of parents staying engaged in schools over the summer. I couldn’t agree more.
She wrote about my friend, Myrdin Thompson of Louisville, Ky., who is the regional director for the central states of the National Family Engagement Alliance. Myrdin is quoted as saying that she recently contacted a school board member in her own school system to find out if her district would be applying for Race to the Top funding in the new district-grant competition.
This is but one example of how she recommends parents stay focused on school issues even though it’s summer. She notes that summer is not the time to take a break from school involvement. If parents are shy about contacting district officials, they can always get in touch with their parent organization leaders.
As someone who spent countless summers working in central administration as a district official, I urge you not to be shy. I can assure you that administrators are in your school district and in your schools even though it’s July or August. Although there is much work and planning going on, it’s also a bit more relaxed for the most part without students and teachers. And that means administrators will be available to speak with you on the phone and meet with you in person.
There are also board of education meetings over the summer. Important decisions are made in the dog days of summer, particularly in regard to hiring. If you can’t make it to the meetings, catch up with reports in your local media. Minutes of board meetings should also be posted on district websites. Remember, too, that the public elects board members and it is their job to represent you and report to you.
Depending on the district, principals typically work at least part of the summer. If you find out when your principal is at the school, it’s a good time to have a casual chat. You will notice that many principals are dressed down during the break — sans ties and jackets for men, and suits and pumps for women. So stop by the school in your shorts and sandals, and use the opportunity to find out the information you want to know as well as sharing your issues with your principal. These could include specific challenges your child has, such as health and learning concerns, or the status of particular programs in regard to budget cuts. Good principals are visible and accessible, both during the school year and the summer.
Towards the end of the summer, many teachers will be in school setting up their classrooms. It’s a great time to introduce yourself and your child, and find out about the teacher’s plans and expectations.
Contact your PTA or PTO leaders during the summer not only to get information about your school and district, but also to volunteer for the coming school year. Getting involved is not only the best way to learn the ropes of your school and district, but also to help your child succeed.
In the first New York State budget vote since a 2 percent tax cap was mandated, 92.7 percent of Long Island school budgets passed last week. Of the Island’s 124 districts, 115 had their budgets approved; nine were defeated.
Of the nine that were defeated, seven had opted to exceed the 2 percent tax cap in the hope that voters would approve the increase anyway. But those school administrators bet wrong because under the new rules, they needed to convince at least 60 percent of their voters to approve their spending plan — and they didn’t. Districts whose budgets were defeated may submit the same or a new budget to voters next month.
The tax cap ushers in a new era in New York State. It demonstrates that the majority of districts were able to make deep cuts, and most taxpayers accepted the reductions despite outcries in numerous districts that cuts were hurting students. Across the Island, a number of schools were closed, teachers were excessed, class size was increased, and educational programs were reduced.
The dilemma is that taxpayers want to keep tax increases down at the same time that they want their schools to be outstanding. It remains to be seen whether parents will accept this state of affairs in coming years.
High School Senior Elected to School Board
High School senior Joshua Lafazan did the unimaginable last week! Just 18-years-old and the president of his senior class, he won a seat on the Syosset Board of Education – in a landslide!
Voters gave Lafazan an overwhelming mandate despite the district’s launching of a robo-call to parents accusing his father of taking the district’s list of absentee voters. He said his win was a backlash against what he characterized as a “smear campaign” by district officials.
“The people of Syosset have sent a mandate that we need open government and transparency in this town, and Josh Lafazan will deliver,” he told Newsday after he learned he had won.
During the campaign, Lafazan had been critical of the salary and benefits of Superintendent Carole Hankin, who is the highest paid superintendent in New York State and earns $541,000 in salary and benefits.
It’s interesting that while taxpayers and parents have decried administrative salaries and benefits in many districts, it took a student to make this a centerpiece of his campaign.
Could this be a harbinger of school board elections of the future? Will parents and taxpayers in other districts take on entrenched administrators? Calling for transparency is a familiar theme among critics of school boards. But most critics never step up to the plate by running for office. How many adults have the courage of this young man? If more did, it could substantially change the dynamics of school district politics.
For one thing, Teacher Recognition Day — as the single day dedicated to teachers used to be called – coincided with my first big success at school. I was in the third grade and my teacher was Mrs. Briggs, a large, smiley, cherubic woman who clearly loved her students, their parents – and teaching! She gave us an assignment to write something about Teacher Recognition Day. I whipped up a poem and I could see from Mrs. Briggs’s beaming face that it was a winner. She had me share it with the class, then she shared it with the other teachers – and it was even published in the school newspaper! It’s not at all surprising that my double ambition to be a teacher and a writer began back in the third grade.
Shortly after my poetry success, my father went back to school to become a teacher. He eventually landed a job teaching fourth grade in a school with many disadvantaged children. A number of his students were immigrants and knew very little English. I was fascinated as we sat at the dinner table and he told us how, for example, he had taught Pedro how to say, “I have to go to the bathroom,” in English.
He then proceeded to teach my brother and me how to say it in Spanish. Later as a principal, he was instrumental in bringing a breakfast program into his school because he realized early on that kids couldn’t learn if they were hungry.
My father, as a teacher and as a principal, was my inspiration not only for my own career in education, but for my doctoral dissertation. It studied how caring principals promote a culture that enables children to succeed.
As a lover of current events, politics, and history, I got my Master’s Degree in teaching social studies from Columbia Teachers College. The department faculty there was inspirational and truly excited about teaching. We learned about the inquiry method – where students were given the tools to be social scientists and construct their own knowledge from original sources. Sound familiar? Years later, this same method was dubbed DBQ – Dated Based Questions. I couldn’t wait to try out all the wonderful things my teachers at TC taught me.
I hit the jackpot when I was hired to teach American History and Government at Schreiber High School in Port Washington, NY. My colleagues were on the cutting edge of educational theory and practice; together we brainstormed, discussed, and created our own teaching materials. It was wonderful to teach social studies. But we all knew that we weren’t just teaching a subject; we were teaching young people. To be successful, we needed to know where our students were coming from, and we made it our business to find out. We hung out with students during our free periods, we talked to other teachers and guidance counselors, and we were in touch with parents. The administrators were visible and accessible to students and staff. In other words, we cared about kids.
In my dissertation, I studied principals who promoted an ethos of caring in their schools – principals who consistently went above and beyond to meet the needs of children, and to meet the needs of teachers and parents as well. Not surprisingly, these principals built faculties of caring teachers.
Later, as an administrator, I verified time and again the conclusions of my dissertation. What matters most in schools is a caring environment, which addresses the needs of every child. Those are the schools where students are most successful. All of the current emphasis on standardized testing totally misses the mark. Teachers need to be able to meet the varying needs of their students, and exercise their creativity, judgment, and professional expertise. There is not a magic bullet for education that can be imposed from the outside. Caring teachers, led by caring principals, have been and continue to be the solution.
More than a half-century later, I still remember the poem that I wrote for Teacher Recognition Day, and I am still writing and learning! Thank you to all my teachers and my colleagues!
Teacher Recognition Day
Is for us to recognize,
Our teachers, who in the United States
Are so highly prized.
All the teachers deserve this day
Not just a few
So my dear teachers
May God bless each one of you.
The practice of parents waiting until their children are 6 to enroll them in kindergarten has become so widespread that CBS’ 60 Minutes has taken note.
Safer said studies showed that boys are twice as likely to be held back by their parents as girls, whites more than minorities, and rich more than the poor.
The concept is taken from college sports, where athletes will practice with the team for the first year but sit out competition while they get bigger, stronger, and more competitive. In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, he shows that a disproportionate number of successful young hockey players in Canada were born earlier in the year, and the effect continues all the way up to the National Hockey League.
While this approach may work with athletes, the research on kindergarten redshirting, as the practice is called, is mixed. Safer interviewed the author of a recent Canadian study who found that redshirting can yield positive academic outcomes. But other experts disagreed, insisting that academic gains are not sustained in later grades and that there may be an increase in social and behavioral problems when older and bigger students enter puberty. Samuel Meisels, president of Chicago’s Erikson Institute, said that while redshirting may be appropriate for some children, it is “educational quackery.”
Age appropriateness is something I’ve pondered since my mother told me that I had “missed the deadline” for kindergarten by three weeks. I don’t know whether I would have done as well in elementary school if I had not missed the cut-off and started kindergarten a year earlier, but I know that I did well enough to qualify later for the “Special Progress” class in junior high school, which enabled students to complete three years of junior high in two. Terrible idea! I have long believed that essentially skipping eighth grade erased whatever edge I had and wreaked havoc on my self-confidence. But that’s an indictment of being pushed ahead, not being held back.
My two oldest sons have August and October birthdays, while the third was born in March. Did my third child appear to have an advantage when he entered kindergarten? Absolutely! But I don’t know if that was due to his early birthday or being raised in a family with older siblings. Redshirting was not an option back then, but my father, who was an elementary school principal, was of the opinion that early advantages generally equalized by third grade. I have found this to be true.
Redshirting clearly needs more study, but what disturbs me is the motivation behind it. Parents say they are leveling the playing field for their children, but what they are doing is creating an unfair playing field for the other kids who are age appropriate for their grade. And before their children even start school, they are setting up a competition with other students. Kids should be competing with themselves, encouraged to be the best they can be, not constantly looking over their shoulder at others. Schools should also be equipped to differentiate instruction, being able to meet the needs of varying individuals with different learning styles.
Actually, the average age of kindergarten entrants continues to rise, with 37 states now requiring that children be five when they enter kindergarten. The fact that school districts around the country differ widely in their cut-off dates for students entering kindergarten is a source of confusion for parents. Deadlines range from June 1 to December 31, so make sure you know what the date is in your community
The decision of whether or not to hold a child back from kindergarten should be based on the individual youngster’s social, emotional, and academic needs and development, not on a parent-instigated race with other kids. Parents know their children best, and should also take into account what the child will be doing if he/she is not in kindergarten. Here, parents with resources have a clear advantage in providing alternative educational experiences.
Sending your child to kindergarten is an important milestone for you and your child. Here are some ways you can help prepare your child for kindergarten:
- While teachers are happy when children enter kindergarten knowing letters and numbers, they do not want you to drill your child. Kindergarten teachers look for their students to have readiness skills; these are the building blocks that will enable your child to love learning and to succeed in school. You can prepare your child with readiness skills through his/her daily activities.
- Does your child approach learning enthusiastically and is he curious? Is she eager to explore, discover, and ask questions? Point out your child’s surroundings, including flowers, trees, birds, people, etc., and take time to encourage and answer her questions.
- Hand-in-hand with curiosity and discovery go language skills. Help your child build his vocabulary by giving him words and descriptions as he observes and experiences his surroundings. Additionally, activities, such as visits to the beach, park, beach, children’s museum, or zoo, present many opportunities for you to help him develop language skills.
- Kindergarten teachers will be pleased if your child has the ability to listen. Read to your child every day, and engage her by asking questions about the book. Besides nurturing vocabulary and comprehension, reading develops the listening skills necessary in a kindergarten classroom.
- Encouraging your child to take care of himself will prepare him for kindergarten. For example, although it’s easier to hang up your son’s coat yourself, his kindergarten teacher will want your child to do it. She cannot take off the boots and hang up the coats of 25 students. Help your child to become ready for school by teaching him to do such tasks as going to the bathroom himself and washing his hands, and opening up a juice box and putting the straw in. Perhaps if he attends pre-school, he has already mastered these skills.
- Kindergarten is about socialization, so help your child get ready by encouraging him to share, take turns, and understand the rights, space, and feelings of others.
- It’s important for kindergarten students to have good eye-hand coordination. Many kindergarten activities involve coloring, cutting, pasting, and writing with a pencil. Playing with clay or Play-Doh, writing, coloring, painting, pasting, and stringing beads are examples of activities that will get your child ready for kindergarten.
- Kindergarten teachers will teach their students how to write and recognize letter sounds. But they are happy when their students come to school knowing how to count to 10, and know shapes and colors. If your child attends pre-school, this is usually well covered there.
Redshirting: Holding kids back from kindergarten- 60 Minutes – CBS News http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7400898n&tag=contentMain;contentAux
I’m pleased to let you know that beginning this month, I will be a regular
contributor to Long Island Parent Magazine.
Published by Liza Burby, it is a wonderful resource for parents as it addresses issues of concern to parents on Long Island and beyond.
My first article, What You Need to Know About Your School District Budget, provides tips about how to navigate the budget process in your school districts.
Here are a few tips from the article:
- Know your school district’s budget calendar, which will give you a list of meetings and topics. Check your district’s website for information, and read budget brochures that are mailed to your home. Read the fine print so you will understand if your children’s school experience will be impacted. Keep up with local media reports of budget meetings.
- Know when PTA meetings are held. Your PTA president should have the latest budget information.
- Know when and where Board of Education meetings are held, attend them, and feel free to voice your opinion during the public participation part of the meeting.
- Know the names, phone numbers, and e-mail addresses of the Board of Education members and the District Clerk.
- If you are upset by a proposed cut, you may circulate petitions to the board, discuss the topic at PTA meetings, write letters to the board and to the newspapers, and come to board meetings en masse.
- Make sure you register to vote. Check with the District Clerk for procedures and deadlines if you are not sure if you are registered.
- Remember to vote. If you will be out of town you may request an absentee ballot. Check with the District Clerk for information about absentee ballots, polling places and voting hours.
To read the full article, go to http://liparentonline.com/features3.html.
In addition to the print version, I will be writing a monthly online column, Ask the Education Expert, on the Long Island Parent website. There I will be answering questions submitted by readers. In the current column, I discuss parent concerns related to kindergarten registration and readiness. Take a look at http://liparentonline.com/ask-the-school-expert.html. Email your questions to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and check out LI Parent online for the answers each month.
For more information about Your Education Doctor or Meryl Ain, please visit:
A plan that would virtually end school bullying and make school discipline kinder, gentler and more meaningful is being proposed for schools throughout the country.
The man behind this revolutionary concept is Dr. Robert Goldman, a Long Island psychologist/lawyer. He is intent on changing the culture of schools based on lessons found in his book, No Room for Vengeance, and his work with the Suffolk County Probation Department.
Goldman’s book, co-authored with Victoria Ruvolo, tells the true story of an incident that took place on the Long Island Expressway in November 2004. A teenager tossed a 20-pound frozen turkey out the rear window of the car he was riding in and it broke the windshield of an oncoming car, hitting and nearly killing Ruvolo, its driver. But instead of going to prison for up to 25 years, the offender, Ryan Cushing, 18, was allowed to plead guilty to a reduced charge of second-degree assault at the insistence of Ms. Ruvolo.
As a result of Ruvolo’s compassion, Goldman developed a program of repentance for juveniles, one believed to be the first in the country.
After Cushing entered his plea and was leaving the courtroom — knowing he would be sentenced to only six months in jail, five years probation and one year of community service — he stopped in front of Ruvolo who was standing at the end of a row and hugged her. The two cried openly.
“I’m so thankful that you are doing well,” he whispered to Ruvolo, whose face had to be rebuilt using metal plates and screws in a 10-hour operation.
“You’re such a wonderful person,” he continued, sobbing uncontrollably as others in the courtroom choked back tears. “Never did I intend to hurt anyone, especially someone as special as you. I prayed for you every night; I never meant this to happen.”
“It’s OK, it’s OK,” Ruvolo told him. “I am going to be watching over you now. Just do good with your life.”
Inspired by her compassion and challenge to create a venue where Ryan could do something good with his life, Goldman developed a program called TASTE, an acronym that stands for Thinking errors, Anger management, Social skills and Talking Empathy.
The program in Suffolk County’s juvenile justice program offers young people a chance to apologize to their victim in writing or in person. Goldman, who is now the supervising psychologist in the Probation Department, said that Ryan’s community service required him to address youngsters in the TASTE program. It is for youngsters 12 to 15-years-old who have pleaded guilty to a variety of crimes (including shoplifting, criminal trespass, assault, graffiti and aggravated harassment) and have been sentenced to probation or had their cases adjourned in contemplation of dismissal. Goldman noted that Ryan continued speaking to groups with Ruvolo well after his one-year of community service ended.
The hour-long probation programs — which can range from four to 16 sessions, depending on the needs of each youngster — also involve the participation of the youth’s parents. Goldman and his colleagues at the Probation Department run TASTE, which focuses on teaching the juveniles about self-control.
The key to the program is to have youngsters stop and think of the long-term consequences of their actions before they act.
Now Dr. Goldman wants to bring this program to schools as an alternative to suspension.
“Rather than throwing them out of school, thereby rewarding them for their behavior, I would hold them accountable by putting them through this program and having them make peace with their victim — especially in the case of bullying,” Goldman explained.
This is an intriguing program and one certainly worth considering. As the Hearing Officer in Superintendent’s Disciplinary Hearings for more than a decade, I often felt hamstrung in meting out consequences. New York State law allows only for suspension as a punishment. Counseling, alternative behavior modification programs, and creative solutions can only be recommended, not mandated.
Goldman also wants to give principals more authority — rather than automatically requesting a Superintendent’s Hearing — to impose more than a five-day suspension. He notes that implementing TASTE in schools would give kids — particularly those involved with drugs and similar offenses — along with their parents and school personnel the opportunity to explore why the offense occurred, how the school was impacted, what such behavior does to the community.
“Let the children hear the consequences of their behavior on the school so they can understand,” Dr. Goldman said. “Let them become part of the program, part of the solution. Let them mentor others on the dangers of drugs.”
In addition, Goldman is currently developing a curriculum, based on the TASTE principles that he hopes to implement throughout the country, starting with New York. He says it fulfills the requirements of The Dignity for All Students Act, which will take effect in New York State in July. It was enacted to protect students in public schools from discrimination and harassment. New York joins 11 states, which have already passed similar legislation, including California, Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, Vermont, Washington and Wisconsin.
The Dignity Act protects against all forms of harassment, especially those based on race, color, weight, national origin, ethnicity, religion, disability, sexual orientation, gender or sex. What’s notable about this legislation is that it amends state education law to require schools to incorporate diversity and discrimination awareness and sensitivity training into lessons on civility, citizenship, and character education. Additionally, schools are also required to develop effective responses to harassment and bullying, and to implement strategies to prevent these behaviors.
We’re well into the 21st century but two recent news items should make us wonder how far we’ve actually come in this, the 83rd anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s birth and the 58th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education.
The first is an article by Katherine Schulten in The New York Times that notes that on last year’s National Assessment of Education Progress exam, only 2 percent of U.S. high school seniors were familiar with the civil rights struggle of the 1950s. Students could not identify the wording from Brown v. Board of Education, the US Supreme Court decision that knocked down the “separate but equal” doctrine in public schools.
Ms. Schulten reported also that after a comprehensive review, the Southern Poverty Law Center concluded that civil rights history is often avoided in schools.
Much more disturbing, the Atlanta Journal Constitution reported that parents in one Georgia school district were enraged by math worksheets that contained questions about slavery. Among them: “Each tree had 56 oranges. If eight slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?” Another: “If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in one week?”
Parents are demanding an apology as well as diversity training for teachers and administrators.
Parents should be demanding a lot more than that! They should ask about the teacher(s) who gave the test. Where was the sensitivity to the African-American students? They should know the context of the math test. Was this an integration of math and history? If so, were these the best examples that could have been used? They should ask if this was an ad hoc blooper or a carefully crafted piece of the curriculum. Finally, who is responsible for supervising the teachers and the curriculum in the school and district – and where were they?
Both parents and teachers need to be vigilant in preventing prejudice and in celebrating the diverse and tolerant country we say we are. That begins with Martin Luther King Day, but doesn’t end there.
In honor of MLK Day, the NEA called upon teachers to “help students put in perspective Martin Luther King, Jr.’s life, his impact on the Civil Rights Movement, and his significance to American culture and history.”
Martin Luther King Day is observed this year on Monday, January 16. As the magazine PTO Today wrote, this day is an opportunity for parent groups to “help focus students’ attention on the civil rights leader and to reinforce his message of racial justice and equal rights.”
In the second decade of the 21st century, students have to know more than anniversaries. The history behind the anniversary tells us who we are as a people and what we aspire to be. The lessons of Dr. King’s life and legacy must go beyond one day in our schools. How the civil rights movement is taught or how Martin Luther King Day is observed, while important, is not the whole story. What is important is that we teach our children that we are a society that respects and celebrates differences.
For more information about Meryl Ain visit:
During the holiday break, I confess watching a few episodes of TLC’s Toddlers and Tiaras, a reality show that features actual parents (mostly mothers) preparing and entering their small children in kiddy beauty pageants. The mothers are depicted inflicting on their tiny daughters coaching lessons, spray tans, heavy makeup, false eyelashes and hairpieces – all for the privilege of winning a crown or a small monetary prize for their child’s physical appearance.
It got me thinking about whether TV parents reflect our values or help to shape them. And what, exactly, are the values that we want our schools to teach our children?
Have you seen Robert Young in re-runs as Jim Anderson in Father Knows Best, a popular 1950’s situation comedy?
Jim set standards for his children — Betty, Bud, and Kathy — and constantly differentiated right from wrong.
Or do you remember June Cleaver as the mom in Leave it to Beaver? She was always in the kitchen with her shirtwaist dresses and pearls dispensing milk and cookies, while her husband, Ward, gave their sons, Wally and Beaver, weekly lectures in the proper way to behave.
The baby-boomer generation and their parents thought these were the perfect families, and while they were glorified lily-white versions of reality, there was no question that the parents’ primary responsibility was to impart values, such as fairness, honesty and caring, to their children. They also sat down as a family for daily meals, during which they discussed the day’s events.
In later decades, the Cunninghams, Howard (Tom Bosley), a hardware store owner, and his stay at home wife, Marion, attempted to set their children and family friend, “the Fonz,” on the right path in Happy Days.
On The Cosby Show, the Huxtables — Cliff (Bill Cosby), a physician, and Clair, a lawyer, African-American parents of five — also modeled and taught the values they wanted their children to live by.
While all these parents were idealized versions of real mothers and fathers, they provided a benchmark against which actual people could measure their actions. And they supported the notion that American parents were the repositories of wisdom, knowledge and integrity, and were supposed to pass these values on to their children.
Fast forward to 2012. We don’t hear too many lectures on ethics from television parents. But we do hear about social and emotional intelligence, and schools’ attempts to teach character education. Values such as respect, kindness, empathy, and giving back are needed more than ever in our society, and there are many programs in our schools that attempt to develop nice human beings and good citizens. But it’s naïve and unrealistic to expect schools to do this alone. Parents are key partners in inculcating values in their children. All the lessons and activities in the world will not succeed without parental support.
What are we learning about values from today’s fictional TV parents? Cam and Mitchell, the same-sex parents of Lily on ABC’s Modern Family, are over-conscientious and ever-present to their daughter’s needs. Being present is key to success and an important value. Parents can’t influence their kids at all if they are not physically, emotionally, and mentally present. This includes: engaging in conversation, attending school and other events, and modeling values.
Frankie Heck, played by Patricia Heaton on ABC’s The Middle, should also be commended for parenting three rather odd children and allowing each of them to be whom they are. Enabling children to discover their own interests, find their purpose and pursue their own dreams is a key to happiness.
In total contrast, the mothers on TLC’s Toddlers and Tiaras live vicariously through their children. They spend thousands of dollars to have their daughters — some less than a year old — compete in beauty pageants. It is painful to watch toddlers crying and fighting their mothers as they get them ready to “compete.” Equally disturbing is the intense disappointment of both parent and child when the aspiring mini-beauty queens fail to win a crown. While some of the children say they like to participate, their parents are forcing their own passions on their children! One mother admitted that she had a baby so she could enter her in pageants. Another did not have the daughter she wanted, so her s on is now one of very few boys competing on the pageant circuit.
As we enter the New Year, it’s crucially important for parents to be strong partners with their children’s schools in building character. For better or worse, TV parents, then and now, provide a framework of what and what not to do. Here are some tips for 2012:
• Be role models for honesty, integrity, kindness and caring.
• Let your children know what your standards are in word and in deed.
• Teach your child to respect and celebrate differences.
• Be present for your children, and show up physically, mentally, and emotionally.
• Model the importance of giving to others.
• Eat dinner together as a family.
• Allow your children to discover their own interests, and to find their own purpose.
For more information about Meryl Ain visit: